so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
