I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
