the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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