i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
