he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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