His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
