it was like his penis was on wheels.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
