Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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