it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
So drunk its hurt
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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