i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
