You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
