Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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