your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
