also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
