And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
