You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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