operation have a gay friend backfired
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
