The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
