I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
