Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
