I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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