According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Randomize
