this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
