Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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