I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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