playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
How does it feel to date your dad?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
