Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
