dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
