Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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