i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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