i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
