Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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