I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I had to cum in my sink.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
