He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
