well you can't waste a boner
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
