He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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