Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
