I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
My cat gives me a boner
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
