So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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