I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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