its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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