I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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