Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm just crazy horny about you
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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