I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
