I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
