i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
