Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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