our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
