Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
