what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
