why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
